Annie writes for Center City Resident’s Association
Click on this image to be taken to the full publication. This article is on page 22.
Annie was delighted to write an article for the summer issue of the CCRA newsletter. Here is the text, in image form and written form. You can read the entire issue here.
Dying is central to our lives—a promise made by life is that it ends. However, in our contemporary, death-phobic society, dying doesn’t get the support and attention it deserves. As a death doula, I believe that every death deserves a doula.
Death doulas offer nonmedical support to individuals through all aspects of the dying process. We empower the people we work with to prepare to say goodbye, whether to their own life or the life of a loved one. We don’t have a great deal of control over how our death visits us. In this article, I will refer to a death that follows a terminal illness, where there is time to prepare for death.
There is tremendous compartmentalization to all aspects of dying. Different professions preside over different aspects: hospice nurses, doctors, lawyers, home health aides, chaplains, funeral directors—the list goes on. These specialists are uniquely qualified to provide specific support, such as spiritual guidance from a chaplain. However, this compartmentalization can be overwhelming to folks during an already overwhelming time. There is a lot of good that comes from a doula providing basic, holistic support.
There are three general types of support that death doulas offer:
Planning
Holistic end of life planning support includes:
• Writing advanced directives. We help you consider whom you want to make healthcare decisions for you in the event you are unable to make decisions for yourself, and when it may be the right option to decline treatment.
• Vigil planning. You may be able to make choices about what you want your final days to look like. Doulas can guide you through considerations such as:
• Where do you want to die?
• Who do you want to visit in your final days?
• Do you have favorite music you would like to listen to?
• Doulas write custom guided meditations for a dying person
• Are there photos, videos, movies, or TV shows you want to look at?
• Are there activities you would like a visitor to engage in when they visit you, such as reading a favorite piece of poetry, or sharing a memory you have together?
• Having a conversation. We provide tools for you to use to plan and have a conversation with those important to you about your end-of-life wishes. This conversation can be hard to have. Yet it can be one of the most important conversations of your life!
• Legacy Project. We help you develop a project that encapsulates your legacy. This can take the form of a written or video memoir, scrapbook, or something else. This can also be a project that visitors engage with at your vigil.
Vigil
Death doulas provide nonmedical, nonjudgmental bedside companionship during the vigil phase: the final days and hours before a person dies. We maintain the dying environment according to the wishes of the dying person. We provide caregiver respite. We attend to the logistical details of vigil such as greeting visitors, refilling tissue containers, and temperature control, so you don’t have to. By attending to these details, the dying person and their loved ones can focus on the sacred aspects of dying, in all its grief and love.
After-death reprocessing
Death doulas spend time with surviving loved ones after a death. We remember what happened during the vigil, what the death felt like, and how it felt to move through the funeral or memorial service. This step is another aspect of nonmedical, nonjudgmental support for someone’s death (and all the feelings that came up during that time) to integrate into the loved ones’ lives. We also offer referrals for anyone who is struggling with their grief, such as grief support groups and counselors.
Death and dying are too important to leave up to chance. While there is so much that we ultimately cannot control, we must respect the power of death by preparing for it as best we can. By preparing for our death in ways beyond the medical, financial, and legal, we can minimize needless suffering for ourselves and our loved ones—maybe even make it a profound and sacred experience.
